First published on 2026-01-21.

rangifer’s diary: pt. cxlix: LPQ stands for “Lūdibrium pudella quest”

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King Block Golem 1: i think she’s gone.

King Block Golem 2: good. let us resume our nefarious dealings.
actually wasn’t there a box here like two seconds ago?

LPQ stands for “Lūdibrium pudella quest”

My sincerest apologies to the numerous fervent pudella fans (dozens, perhaps even trillions) out there. I have not “main’d” her since lassed time. Pls, put the pitchforks down. Tomatoes are fine, I’ll eat those later.

But I’ve a little something to make up for it, perhaps. A little LPQ? Anybody? [shuddup, deer…]

Okayokay sheesh…

pudella hits level 43 @ LPQ stage 7 (pudella: nw nw) — Look. I leveld up. Happy now?

And I ain’t no LPQ babby, neither. Not to brag or anything, but basicly I’m priddy shchrong. I’m basicly carrying Alishar and whiting every time.

pudella literally carrying Alishar (Alishar: wheeeeeeeee) — No, not *that* kind of carrying.

💡 Did you know? You can tell the above image is fake since I’m not really a STRigand.

pudella whites Alishar (You have gained experience (+2720)) — There we go.

All thanx to my branned new handy-dandy Maple Wagner!

Maple Wagner (+7)

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Maple Wagner (+7)

Req lev : 43
[Req archetype] : thief
Category : dagger
Attack speed : fast [IV]
Accuracy : +10
Avoidability : +16
Number of upgrades available : 0

💡 Did you know? The Maple Wagner is named for Richard Wagner’s lesser-known mycologist sister.

Sump’n round here just ain’t right.

I hope y’all enjoyed that LPQing we just did. Not because we’re done with LPQ for now, but because LPQ is done with us for now. So, so very done.

LPQ-breaking bug — Hey. It’s not my fawlt Bloctopodes are semi-incorporeal creatures capable of quantum tunnelling.

💡 Did you know? The wall welcomes your offerings, in exchange for which ye shall be blest with a +4% chance of a Cape for DEX 60% reward next run. Anyway, have fun restarting.

Wanted poster

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Wanted

For wall murder
and associated LPQ crimes

☞ 250,000 [meso] reward!
Will be paid for the apprehension of pudella or any of her accomplices.

You ever just… guess every single combo in stage 8?

Guessing the final combo in stage 8 and getting it WRONG (Vajra: round of applause) — “round of applause”

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Vajra: thats crazy i was watching the whole time

pudella: oh

“Oh” is right. You know what that means…

Stage 8: HELL MODE — [*stage 8: hell mode activ8ed*]

Don’t worry — there are only $(\binom{14}{4})$ = 1001 possible combos. 🙂

In case you were wondering, the combo was {−3, −2, 5, 8}. Anyweigh, let’s just Del ⌦ Aliciar rq so we can gtfo of hear.

Alishar does a funny dance on the tabletops — “The Alishar Ballet”

💡 Did you know? Alishar is classically trained in ballet, and was once widely renowned for their performance in the 1890 première of Спящая красавица ⟨Spjaščaja krasavica⟩ “Sleeping beauty” in St. Petersburg.

Semidivine intervention

Aight I’mma be honest wif u. I dunno what in Cody’s blessèd Maple world jus happend. Let’s move on.

We all go into Maple hibernation sometimes. In fact, probably thousands, maybe even quadrillions of people are in Maple hibernation as we speak. But everybody knows there are only two possible outcomes of a hibernationstate: awakening, or the sweet embrace of death. Maple can never be eliminated from the body once it has made its way in.

💡 Did you know? If you yell “1⁣3⁣3⁣ 2⁣2⁣1⁣ 3⁣3⁣3⁣ 1⁣2⁣3⁣ 1⁣1⁣1” thrice in front of a mirror, the spirit of Cody will appear behind you.

Alongside two of his peers, FireBender94 & LipKisser00, and yore’s chrooly, BallisLife97 made like an LPQ party and illegally broke into the A Banned INT Hour.

Unfortunately for us, banning INT, even for just one (1) hour, was the wrong move.

In stage 1 — Ten percent LUK, twenty percent rogue skills
Fifteen percent concentrated Hero’s Will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent thief. We’re all thieves. Every lassed 1 of us.

I’m sure it’s fine. Noöne so much as blinkt when I made my inquiry. Maybe we can just use our Darc Cite to sneak from stage V to stage VI without clearing the former?

💡 Did you know? If you LPQ as a party of six thieves, the Dark Road himbself shows up when you get to stage 5, and does the mage portal for you with his sick ninja moves.

Either way, our distincct lacc of magicc attacc means I’m on high-WDef duty for stage IV.

pudella Double-Stabbing Shadow Eyes in the dark — What’d I tell ya? 💪🏽😤💪🏽

I’ll let y’all in on a li’l secret. If you look really closely at the darkness in the background, you can see…

The previous image but with greatly increased exposure so that Alishar can be seen — …Yep. That’s what I thought. Always ⌚⁠ing…

My antivision might not be very good, but I can hear you breathing, Alishar. You know that, right?

Anyway, lest you think I’m djolking about the whole high WDef thing, here I am helping the rest of my party deal more than “1” dambage per critical hit.

Shadow Eye crit 1’s

But no amount of damnage will enable us to Tele-Port^® right through solid floors & walls.

Cookt

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BallisLife97: shoot do we need a mage

pudella: yes

BallisLife97: so we[’]re cooked

pudella: pretty much

BallisLife97: lol

Not dissuaded by such petty rules, requirements, restrictions, & regulations (the big ℝ⁴), LipKisser00 decided to go it alone.

R.I.P. LipKisser00 (LipKisser00: wow) — He didn’t make it very far.

🪦 R.I.P. LipKisser00. At least he died doing what he loved: kissing King Block Golems right on their luscious blocky lips. 💋

With attempt № 1 fully abortive, we set out on a different kind of “party quest”: in search of a d∗ng mage. Now, I’ve never actually met a mage in my entire lyfe, and I’ve certainly never played one. That sed, I think I know where we might find one if we go looking.

pudella pays a visit to the Magic Library (which is definitely not hiding a Faust) — I guess magicians are a bit of a surly bunch…

Welp, that was a bust. If only we could time-travel back to the 27^th century BCE to ask Imhotep^[1] (Gunner) to lend us his magickal Healing powers…

Incredible. I’m not even gonna ask whether this involved time-travel, or whether this is just some guy who calls himbself “Imhotep”. As long as the Tele goes “port”, we’re all g. Then again, I can’t help but indulge in a bit of comparative mythology…

Calculating mythological similarity… / 79% match! — More mythologists really oughta start using Procrustes analysis.

All right, 79% is good enuff 4 me.

Being now joint together with not only The ’Tep™, but also with illustrious sassassin LPQ myooal StillMatt who is, not to put too fine a point on it, still Matt (= ImMatt), ’twas thyme for the real LPQing to commence.

LipKisser00: dont try to kill the black legos — A posthumous preädmonition from LipKisser00

That reminds me of my own personal motto: let no good advice go heeded. Or… was it unheeded? Eh, I guess we’ll find out.

pudella uses Dark Sight to get up close & personal with a King Block Golem from Another Dimension — Admittedly the prank does no real damage on its own, but this particular Golem was easily startled and died of fright.

Once I slew all the King Block Golems and then looted the thief portal,—

pudella stealing the thief portal from stage 5 — Oh, come on. You know what I mean.

Once I elimin8’d all the King Blog Golems and then pilfer’d all of the thief roomb’s prescious Parses, stage 5 was totally clear. Not a single peep. 🤫

Then we did some other stages. Boooooring. 🥱 Let’s get to the part where we fight a Big Bad Boss™ (that’s what BBB stands for).

pudella, StillMatt, Imhotep, BallisLife97, LipKisser00, & FireBender94 fight Alishar, as broadcast on MSN® — 🍿 Oh, this is getting good. I just need one of the ’danna guys to die for my parlay to go thru.

💡 Did you know? That’s you there Double Stabbing right now. Pay attention or you’ll die to a touch-attack.

[mouth full] B’oh shibt, hold on. Geez, I needa stop watching MSN^® whilst Mapling…

Ahemb anywho. I sware I didn’t dye or greeph the party in any whey. We are, nonetheless, falling apart @ the seems. First StillMatt summoned two Rombads @ the same time,^[2] now LipKisser00 is experiencing Golem-smooching retraumatisation…

Falling apart @ stage 7 (R.I.P. LipKisser00) — It’s a real mess.

At the end of the day, the firstborn that BallisLife97 sacrificed is only worth three (3) LPQ runs with this particular Egyptian demigod, and we’re fresh outta firstborns. What can you do.

Numbers

But that’s not to say that LPQ is done 4ever, or even 5ever. Have you seen 6 ever in a single LPQ party?

All ritey, let’s fr∗cquen do it.

Peak, pudella, toiIet, ReDo, Quest, & IcedMocha take on the LPQ

’Twas here where toiIet (skibidi) demonstrated for us the opportunities offered by LPQ to engage in the ways of scampish roguery & puckish hooliganism — just as the Dark Road intended.

toiIet the pilferer

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ReDo: does last portal have a second mob?

pudella: nop

ReDo: cuz im currently hitting it
oh not ticket

pudella: LOL

toiIet: sniz
i mean dang

pudella: steal >>>>

toiIet: i stoled it

💡 Did you know? You can use Steal on Alishar to purloin their nipples.

Not to be outdone, I took to my own pilfering by stealing a 47^th level.

pudella hits level 47 in LPQ — Why, that’s simply too (2) many levels for just one (1) person. Leave some (>0) for the rest of us!

I’d do well to say there are more numbers involved here than I’m comfortable with. Even so, the numbers don’t lie (8 lying down to become ∞ excepted): 35⁢ LPQs is 35 h∗ckin’ LPQs.

Red Sign: Wow, you did it! You defeated Alishar so many times! You have saved our city, though I fear he will strike again. Take this reward for your bravery. The glasses are not in perfect condition, yet they serve as a reminder of the destruction that you did, you coward. — The Red Sign is not known for the stability of its moods

pudella’s new glasses — Unfortunately the word “stylish” here is sarcastic, hence the eyepatch (itself covered by strategically-placed locks) to cover up my otherwise very 🆒 Brogan Glarses.

Basicly I thoroughly vanquisht Alishar and saved Lūdibrium from impending doomb. So LPQ is done fourever. Fiveever, even.

Unless…… 👀

Footnotes for “LPQ stands for ‘Lūdibrium pudella quest’”

[↑] 𓇍𓅓𓊵𓐰𓐷𓏏𓐱𓊪𓐸 ⟨ỉỉ-m-ḥtp⟩ “returning safely; coming in peace”; Old Egyptian */ˈjiːjit ma ˈħaːtip/; modern Egyptological **/iʔi ɛm hɛtɛp/; English /ɪmˈhəʊ̯.tɛp/.
[↑] This has to do with a bug idiosyncratic to RS’s LPQ implementation. See: the “Rinse & re-pot & re-Pete” section of pt. cxliv.

(…cnvpstdf…)

cnvpstdf

Credits

“Jeering” is a remix of a sound effect due to Processaurus of Freesound.

Some of the coughing in “round of applause” is due to Jolindi of Freesound.