rangifer’s diary: pt. cxlii: Puddle o’ what, exactly?
Wellcom bacque to RevivalStory. I managed to coërce convince Dizz (see the previous entry) to try out RS, so I figured the leased I could do is actually play it with him. …Yes, that does mean I have to make a new character.
💡 Did you know? I have, per my contract, a mandatory minimum of one (1) new character creation per diary entry. For each additional character, I get a bonus, although the bonus is capped annually. The end of the year is fast approaching, so I’m really tryna squeeze these in. Hopefully I can also renegotiate my contract this season to remove the character-creation clause and make it so that I get paid in real money instead of shame.
It me — pudella! And Dizz will at present be playing as Muggle, but knot furlong.
If you’re wondering whence I got the name pudella, and why it sounds kinda like pudu, see five entries ago where I introduced pudu. Spoilers: it’s a deer taxon (shocking!). My friends call me pud, or pudpud if they’re flirting with me. By the way, don’t think you can get away with flirting with me merely by not calling me a cute name. I can tell. I know people. I have connexions. 🕵🏽♀️
Anyway. Muggle is 100.0% branned knew to RS, so he has a lot to lurn.
After performing the usual desnailing rituals and applying a litto bit of ✨beginner magick✨, Muggle returned to the realm of the living.
💡 Did you know? Beginners don’t lose EXP when they die because Mai revives them.
As a minor side-effect, he was reïncarnated as a mushroomb.
Muggle also had to learn the hard way that RS is staunchly opposed to all forms of piracy. 🚫🏴☠️🚫
Transcription of the above image
Muggle: argh m80
pudella: not allowed
this is a no pirates server
Muggle similarly had to learn the hard way that unlike snayls, Orshroombs will not beat the crap out of you. Instead, they cut strait to the chase and simply murderificate you instantaneously.
But we have no choice. Bigg(s) demands ten (10) Orshroomb caps, and although we could set sayle to Vicky Island sans Razorheaded Daggers, that would involve tacitly admitting to Shanks that we’re cowards, and that would simply be too embarrassing.
To make matters worse, in addition to their powers of killification, Orshroombs have two more trix up their sleaves: never actually dropping the damb caps, and hold me I’m scared why is the Orshroomb teleporting around dear Cody someone please fix the monstercontroller.
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
Muggle: what the actual hell
pudella: CAP
Muggle: wow
💡 Did you know? Each time you make a new character, your droprates on Maple Island get steadily worse, until eventually it becomes impossible to make it off the island at all.
Of course, finding more Orshroombs is never the problem. If you know where to look, there’s a place where you can present your yet-breathing cadaver as an offering to the gleeful oranj hordes.
💡 Did you know? The Orshroombs of Maple Island are paid (in delectable decaying organic matter, of course) under the table by Lucas to teach newcomers a lesson, earning bonuses on a kill-by-kill basis. Not only does this make MI’s Orshroombs bloodthirstier, but it also keeps them well-fed so that they deal more damage.
Clearly ’twas not easy, and I’ll be suppressing details about exactly how many Muggle deaths came to pass on this day. Nonetheless, we eventually won our trusty Razors and paddled our mushroomb-jooce-sodden 🐝hyndz across the channel to Tori Ayeland on the two kayaks we stole rented from Shanx.
Bridging the Rift
By the time we got to shoar, Muggle had changed. He had entered a new epoch. Begun a new chapitre. His name legally changed and his hair dyed a burnt umber, he was a new man now: Riffed Rift. Unsure what to make of his new form, Rift consulted me for job advice.
Transcription of the above
pudella: stars? prolly cant find those
Rift: tru
pudella: daggers? only hit one monster at a time
Rift: tru
pudella: of course id play a dit anyway but im CRAZY
Rift: mhm we know
Now that I’d convinced Rift that thieves were venomous poisonous and pirates were permaband, that leffed only too (2️⃣) playable jobs: worrier & STR mage. Not a heap of options, but we work with what we can get.
Speaking of what we can get, that does not include sitting devices.
Transcription of the above
Rift: no chair is diabolical
u play this server?
pudella: LMAOAO
💡 Did you know? The only way to obtain a chair in RevivalStory is to become so STRong that you can rip a public bench right out of the ground and carry it with you.
I was first to arrive at Hynysys, so I started grinding at Hynysys Hunching Ground I to skwease out that tenf levvo. ’Twas there I unexpectedly bumpt into a stranger by the name of knives.
Apparently not much for holding them, knives was a dedicated thrower of knives. A mysterious creecher, he stealthily vanisht soon as I hit level ten, leaving behind nothing other than a faintly whisper’d “gl”.
Toxofelicity
Remember how, seemingly years’ long yestertide, I said?:
[T]hat leffed only too (2️⃣) playable jobs: worrier & STR mage.
It’s okay if you don’t. I probably wrote it down somewhere, but fr∗ck me if I can find it. The point is: I was lying. Like, I was lying down when I said that (I’m chairless so this is my only option for resting my legs). But also I wasn’t telling the whole truth.
To be fair, ’twas a close approximation. But there is one (1) other playable job: funny shooty pewpew arrow guy archer. Most people are too intimidated by Athena Pierce’s presence to ask her for a job advancement — but not I.
💡 Did you know? Athena got skinny armbs ’cos she don’t even have to hold the bow anymore. Ever seen a telekinetic Hurricane? Yeah, see, now you understand why people are intimidated by her.
Why artscher? After all, I’m not exactly a toxophilite. The answer is simple:
…
What? Did you want a bulleted list or something? I’ve never used a crossbow before and I’m running out of ideas, so. It’s not like I’m even gonna make it to 2nd job The Second Flight anyway, right…?
In any case, now that I’m a (x)bow user, it’s time to make more use of the Hungry Grounds map designed specifically for me.
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
pudella: the grushies
they have assembled
Rift: stackin up
pudella: all of them.
Oh, dear. We gotta take care of the Grushie problem.
Oh, right. Did I mention that I’m not actually a crossbow user yet? That’ll hafter weight till level twelve, by which point I can hopefully afford one.
On the way to that 12th, we uncoverd the hidden logick of chairlessness.
Transcription of the above
Rift: awk standing plus no pots
pudella: this map is adjacent to a map with bentsch
Rift: oh still benches
pudella: yea the bench location isnt bad
Rift: its crazy how much tiny shit like chairs and recovery skill
pudella: not immediately next to the portal but dece
Rift: can change gameplay experience
pudella: yeah!
Rift: yeah this spot is rly good
pudella: the old maplestory experience
is having to cc because the bench is full
After deploying various strategic benchifications over the course of a pot-cost avoidance campaign, I was able to afford a Crossbow and used my spare 800 mesors to keep my head warm.
My feat being freshly equipt whiff fully nonstick shoose, I could go +2% faster by gathering speed running on all fours and then pushing myself upright to glide on the Gomusin. Now that’s what I call advanced podiatric technology.
Naturally the downside is that I have to get back down on all fours any time I wanna stop or change direction. But that’s okay, because I won’t be needing to do either of those things very often since I’m now a bona fide sniper.
Now that he’d seen a few things, Rift was starting to get the vibe of RevivalStory.
I think that about sums it up. I mean, it doesn’t, of course. But also… it kinda does? So now I have an elevator pitch I can use on people to intimidate persuade them into playing RS with me. And if they refuse… well, I think we know who the White Lady of Perion’s next victim is gonna be. Jus sayin’.
Once I was done writing vaguely-worded threats, we finisht “The Raisin Behind the Mushroomb Studies” (studies what exactly, I’m not sure — in honesty I’ve never known raisins to be particularly scholarly).
And now that we were level 13 or whatever (I forget), we figured we were stronmk enuff to make our first visit to the Nautilus. Crucially, this meant passing thru The Rain-Forest Eass’d of Hene-Sus.
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
Rift: holy shit
pudella: infinite pig damage
Rift: for real
Having made it to the far east fringe of Henny’s Seize, we paid tribute to the Nautilus, per usual.
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
pudella: wanna visit the nautilus?
this is it right here
Rift: its there?
pudella: the tree is called nautilus
Rift: i see
pudella: carve ur name in it
RIFT WAS HERE
💡 Did you know? The Nautilus is named for a giant Nautilus pompilius responsible for escorting a handful of refugees from Ossyria to Victoria. Legend has it that this N. pompilius was capable of doing sick backflips and was an expert marksman. The tree was jointly planted as a sign of goodwill between the newly-arrived humans and the fiarries of the Ellin Forest, and also to commemorate how fr∗∗kin’ 🆒 that nautilus was.
The name has no relation to the Nautilus of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas ().
Transcription of the text in the above image
Piracy
🏴☠️
is freedom
Oddjobs
🍏
Rift was here
pudella woz hear 2
Tree trunk haha
RevivalStory ♡
Bob was here
Continuing northeastward, we stopt @ Slime Chree to get our clothes all sticky & grene real quicc.
💡 Did you know? There’s a way better Slime Tree in Deep Sleepywood, but noöne ever uses it since you have to get past a bunch of Ice Drakes & Dark Drakes to get there.
Not exactly the bessed map for a crossbower sutch as myselph, but maybe The Feald’s South of Ellinier will be an improvement.
Nope. Soon as I catch aggro, the monster starts towards me and I can no longer snipe it. And neither Rift nor I are going up there. The platforms are X-shaped for a reason: it stands for X-it this map immediately.
Sometimes the ABYSM’s where the party’s at
If the south of Ellin’s no good, the lodgickle necst steppe is to head up norf.
Ah, right. I forgor about the Ancient Boreäl Yearly Slime Migration (≝ ABYSM) that happens every year around November. Welp. I’ll let Rift take care of that one.
Gee whiz! pudella’s very first scrol! I bet it’s, like, a Cape for HANDS 10%, or if I’m really lucky, a Gloves for CROSSBOW 10%. Can’t be having my crossbow’s HANDS getting cold in the winter! 🧤
Apparently, our arrival at The Feel Dupp Norf of Ellinia caused the server to wake up or something, because we soon found ourselves joint by babie mage ostrid, legendary gangsters Shpongle/Suntory (Kokeshi, Taima) & lv1000boss, and we even got a confused smega from Will (WiII, WlLL, etc.) welcoming the inexplicable band of noobs that had wandered into Ellinia all at once.
Since it was pud’s first time meeting Suntory, we had a chat about our respective archerifical character-builds.
Transcription of the above
Suntory: are you normal-jobbed, deer?
pudella: yea!
Suntory: cool
pudella: i didnt think about it much bahah
i was like hmm maybe i wanna use an xbow
and that was it
Suntory: thats so cool
pudella: rofl
Suntory: i decided i DIDNT wamt to use bows
and that was it
pudella: ahaha
lv1000boss: good choice deer
pudella: we compleat each other
For better or worse, Berserking is just part of my corporeal being now. I can’t help it. I have therefore inadvertently invented bowserking:
Transcription of the above
Rift: dont die
pudella: LOL
im serking!
it makes me do more damage.
lv1000boss: bowzerking
Rift: im luring
hes coming for u
Suntory: Bowzerker
Rift: damnit
he had 1 shot
and he missed
pudella: ahaha
💡 Did you know? Bowserking actually does increase your damage. Like normal Berserking, the multiplier isn’t a pre-DEF multi. Unlike normal ’serking, however, it’s not an aftermod either; it’s an afterlifemod, which means that it applies only after the target has died.
Unfortunately, some people can’t seem to keep their eyes off my HP bar…
Transcription of the above
Suntory: deer is going to funking die
lv1000boss: i will remember this for the rest of my life
i cant even kill mobs up there
i am just always thinking about when deer will die
pudella: LKMAO
Rift: tru
actually same
Sints this map has plenty of Stumps, we quickly found ourselves extremely tabled.
Transcription of the above
pudella: woo hoo! my 10th omok table
Rift: nice i got 8
pudella: now i can make a[n] omok fortress
Rift: tabletopia
thats the right tabletude to have
Suntory: “I am the table” ―James Hetfield
The party got even rowdier with the arrival of Moan (Harp, BIueberry), a professional hitwoman who came to show off her sicque freaquing damnage and KS the hecque out of us all.
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
Rift: moan op
Suntory: an assassin
she literally assassinates things
💡 Did you know? The Donut is the weapon of choice for all expert assassins, owing to its incredible versatility: poison it and give it to the mark as a treat, beat the mark to delicious death with it, pull it over the mark’s head to strangulate them, or just keep mailing the mark free boxes until they succumb to complications of type 2 diabetes.
Legendary assassins are capable of simply lining up the Donut in front of their eye until the mark can be seen through the hole and then crushing the Donut, thereby crushing the mark as well.
Like any good assassin, Moan was capable of targeting her mark’s Achilles heel, critically wounding them in a way that causes blue-&-white text to appear in the air. …Wait, what?
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
lv1000boss: what the heck is that crit text
Rift: its pretty bad
ostrid: interesting mod lol
I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m tryna save on pots, so crits are looking pretty tasty to me. Extra damage for a measly 0 MP? Sine me up.
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
Rift: ew ew
now ur critting too
pudella: ahaha
yea
Rift: pttbwicfoshm
lv1000boss: now i cant farm up here for an entirely different reason
Rift: oh yeah true
eh yeah
i gtg
pudella: ooo ok
Suntory: deer i think you have to stop using bows so the crits will stop
Rift: theres no crits down here its safe
Suntory: become a Lumberjill
pudella: i
Rift: lumberjane
lv1000boss: my eyes live to see another day
pudella: i understand
💡 Did you know? Criticals in RS are elementally typed as psychological damage, inflicted by the “CRITICAL” text itself. For this reason, sightless &/or soulless monsters are immune from crits.
O—oh. I guess I’ll… switch to melee…
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
pudella: im a lumberdeer
Suntory: that crit text is just wack
its both harder to tell you got a crit and more distracting
lv1000boss: even timer cant stand to farm up there
Rift: ist really bad yeah
pudella: yeah LMAO
Rift: the fly away to the left is the worst part
it like.. lingers
lv1000boss: sorry deer, you are a social pariah now
Suntory: Stumps [actually Slimes] are dropping so many Metal Axes
it’s a sign
pudella: i was too greedy. i shoulda known ‘free damage’ was 2 gud 2 b tru
Rift: there was indeed a cost
Suntory: you could have just maxed Arrow Blow and Double Shot
pudella: X_X
Rift: delete remake its ok
Troubled mémoires of a night
Now feeling thoroughly reviled, I thought I could perhaps salvage my situation by getting a makeover.
The next deigh, Rift & I wawct to the Purriyon Strete Corner to gather materials for Blackbull’s house.
Rift reported that he had come to Perion after I’d log’d out the other day, with the intent to do “The Stumpy Hoary Story” after taking The First Flight to sword man. When he was unpleasantly surprised to see that the bottom of the Street Corner had almost as many Ask Tumps as normal Tumps,[1] he log’d out immediately.
This time, however, we’re gunner hafter beeb rave.
💡 Did you know? An Axe Stump technically has two eyes: one eyeball, plus the eye of the axehead through which its handle is fitted.
For my heroïsm in battol, I was awarded my 130986739th Steal Sheald.
Transcription of the text in the above image
Blackbull: Don’t you like my hair? It’s very popular around town.
pudella: Steel Shield (1)
Rift: LOL
points laughs
pudella: ahjaha
crying
As always, apparently, Rift got the gaw damb Read Try Angular She’ll’d, a.k.a. the shield I have never once toucht in my entire life thank you very much Mr. Blackbull.
Riffed also got a generous giffed from someone else: a “starter pack”, if you will, of probably a bunch of mesors & a Moople ’Danna, courtesy of Will. We’ve seen in previous episodes that I’m not a little allergic to being on the receiving end of “new player fund” endowments — I’d like to savour being a hapless noob thank you but I appreciate the offer — and that extends to secondhand transmission.
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
pudella: im allergic to donations
aCHOO
Rift: f3
pudella: sniffle
That said, sneazing at people is frownd upon, not to say rood, so sometimes it’s best to just accept the donation and deal with my histamines on my own thyme.
Transcription of the chatlog in the above image
pudella: o hi
Rift: delibery
pudella: TY
Now that I was well-fed, the moment was ripe to use this energy to kill fourscore Bubbolings or so as a source of blew jellatinous dessertstuffs.
Come to think of it, we’ve still yet to do even a single qump jest jump quest, so let’s fics that by hitting up our main man John & his trusty rusty snail pail.
To gain entry back into Lift Arbour, however, I should need to negotiate my way past the infamous Thicket Troll. Paying his toll would require one of each type of snayle shell plus a cool twelve million mesos. Now that Rift was a certified parvenu of the nouveau riche 🫰[2] he had no problem paying the toll, but for my own part I had littol more than a few snale shelz to my name and paying the rest would not so much “break” the bank as it would require robbing one.
That leaves me with an entirely different kind of “negotiation”.
💡 Did you know? Mano’s shell supports its entire own ecosystem, complete with unique species of flora & fauna, most of which have undergone insular dwarfism. Now his shell itches like crazy, which explains his generally cantankerous demeanour.
But Mano knows well how to deal with long-ranged pests such as yours truly: just call forth an absolute shipload of festively-coloured littol gastropods so that I’m reduced to bowwhacker status. That means it’s Meta Lacks time.
Now being in regular contact with Johnathan, it was time to do himb a favour by fetching hymn a basket of Pink Violas (which are what you get when Red Fiddles put on a little weight).
Unfortunately for myself, Rift, John, & his wife (*Mrs. The Fisherman, I presume), Thee Depe Florist Tov Pay Shince is entirely lacking in violin-family instruments. I hope a random pile of similarly-coloured flowers suffices as a substitute.
Now that we had each a score or so of levels under our respective belts, we were inexorably pulled toward the Chree of Grush, as is only natural.
This proved sufficient to propel me to Actual Level Twenty status (≝ ALT status), whereupon I donned my epic levol 20 archer fit.
Regrettably, however, not everything about being a level 21 crossbow enjoyer can be described as “epic”, strictly or otherwise.
Transcription of the above
Rift: im not gonna lie
that critical thing might be one of the worst things
ive ever seen actually
pudella: LAMAAOOA
Rift: i feel so bad
that u have to see that
Oh, well. I guess I’ll jussed half 2 learn 2 live with the world’s most unwanted animation playing nearly every time I attack anything. 🤷🏽♀️ My f8 is indelibly etcht in the stars. 🌌
Footnotes for “Puddle o’ what, exactly?”
- [↑] Axe Stumps were all but removed from this map in GMS v56 (; Ariant, skill balancing, summer event), reducing nominal spawn count 5 → 2, confining them to the rightmost of the two large upper platforms, and increasing the corresponding number of Stumps 15 → 20. This virtually decreased the number of Axe Stumps relative to Stumps by a factor of 3⅓.
- [↑] Note to self: don’t mix the eSpeak voices. It’s like the auditory equivalent of a ransom note cut out of various magazines.