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rangifer’s diary: pt. cxxxix

Summer 2025: Goblen edition…

Welcome back to MapleL5s, our favourite Maple-event washing-machine, on its usual “permanent press” setting. This time around, it’ll be summer.

He numb @ sirree

And you know what that means: Hinamatsuri time.

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⌛ Our top 10 fastest Huge Pearl finders! ⏳

1. 🥇 Kargo: [00:01:03.293]
2. 🥈 Gorlock2007: [00:01:03.749]
3. 🥉 Flurina: [00:01:04.045]
4. Oozma: [00:01:05.692]
5. SwordFurbs: [00:01:05.717]
6. Allipona: [00:01:06.116]
7. cervid: [00:01:06.165]
8. Allinaifu: [00:01:06.401]
9. Yeanne: [00:01:06.488]
10. SnareDrumGuy: [00:01:06.625]

Oh yeah, baybee — we’re making it to #1 this time! I already hit #7 on my very first try!!

…Okay, that first part was a bald-faced lie. I did improve my time considerably, but by this point, it wasn’t good enough to chart:

And that isn’t even my personal best time. That would be 1:03.909, which I got last year. But, you know, I’ve “still got it”. If perhaps I do not “still got” all the braincells I had back then. Ah, to be young…

Big, Really Pretty Quilt

Bossing is, hitting on randoms at LPQ notwithstanding, the solitary desire of the MapleL5ser. So if we put all the bosses in one place, noöne will be able to resist. That’s just logic. It’ll be the one event to rule them all.

That’s why Taima (Shpongle, Kokeshi), Lvl1Crook (lv1000boss, Macer), & myself (as cerbip cervid) were inexorably drawn to Burpy Queue BRPQ for yet another summer. It’s got Tae Roon…

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Lvl1Crook: deer genesis

Taima: cervod use magic

cervid: i refuse

…It’s got Levi (inventor of denim jeans)…

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Taima: simce you have a pirate ship
can i join your crew? >.<
ill swab the poopdecks

…And by the skies, wouldn’t you believe it: it’s also got Πanus. As you can see, we were joint by pal-a-din GiveMeABreak (ImSadAllDay), so we decided to take on the big guppy.

Admittedly, we got a bit lucky with the cancels. Nonetheless, we really did it.

Unfortunately, although Pianist was dead, Taima was too. R.I.P.… 🪦 (Don’t worry — she still gets points.)

Goblincore æsthetic

It’s the same as every other summer event. We’re still gonna do a bunch of it & see lots of people, but you’ve pretty much witnessed what there is to witness.

Well… there is a twist. This summer event is oyster pail–themed:

Okay, no. It’s actually goblincore-themed, which means — needless to say — that you can turn all your event points into levelups.

Wait, what? Never mind. It’s probably just a bug.

And speaking of bugs, I think it’s a real creepy-crawly thing to do, impersonating my friend like this:

Zaccy-waccy

It’s not all EventStory, though. Well… sort of. Zaqqūm is dressed up for the season, just like for every other season: magmatic pool, deep under ground, all that sh∗rt. So it’s time to get some event points & an unreasonable amount of EXP.

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Movements: if i dont see deer hitting the fucking zak with a surfboard
ilm [sīc] going to crash out

cervid: LOLLL

I aim to please.

And you’ll never guess what happens next…

Okay, maybe you guest that one — but could you have guest this guest?

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iffi: hihi gl with your drops

Richie: hihi

cervid: tq!

I won’t lie — I didn’t recognise iffi at first. But that’s probably because she lookt a whole lot different back when she was an I/L mage, & I met her (Flurri, SecretIy) when tarandus was doing MPQ! Oh, yes! That was long ago. Another epoch. Now she has been transmogrified into a Chinese takeout box staff member.

Bossemblage

But why not… friggen… keep going? With Gock (Harlez)? For the EXPificationals? This isn’t a real question? I’m gonna do it anyway?

Comic relief

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Zyka: i was so confused by the lack of genesis

cervid: LOL

Name a more iconic duo

You might know that BRPQ parties are restricted by character-level. Mathematicians are still trying to figure out exactly how that works. In any case, this means yrr grrl cervid doesn’t have much choice of BRPQ comrades, since everyone else is already level 200.

Thankfully, I & my Maple wife Taima make a natural duo: we’re both really STRong, & neither of us have Genesis. What more could you ask for?

As it turns out, we cannot, in fact, duo this. That’s because, out of all possible party sizes from one to six inclusive, two is the only one that BRPQ disallows. The justification for this strict ban on the number two is left as an exercise for the reader.^[1]

But that’s okay. I can just mule crapreolina capreolina as the mythical so-called “archer sign”, & we can just duo anyway, but with free SE.

Huh. That’s weird. I still keep levelling up every time I go to the event map.

Oh, well. Let’s keep going.

We also did some Burr Peek Use as not exactly a duo, including with GiveMeABreak:

I was then surprised to hear that Fara’s boucanier was coming to join us, since I figured Muguet would be too high-level for us anyhow. But I guess she also has an INT bucc named Convallaria.

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Convallaria: ok nb for 400⁢ int

cervid: hahah

Furthermore, we did some Burp Accuse with Furbs (SwordFurb, SwordFurbs, Yoshis, Fabiennes, PoultryWoman, CowSmiley) the STRginner!

Dock & Cabbie

I found the culprits. ’Twas these two all along:

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Goblin Coins: 150

We are Dok and Kaebi, and our magic Batons will leave you in awe!

For just 100 Goblin Coins, one single hit from our Batons can teach you things that no amount of training would ever achieve.

Prizes Available (equal chance for all):

• 1,394,667⁢ exp [2% of your level]
• 3,254,225⁢ exp [4.66% of your level]
• 6,973,339⁢ exp [9.99% of your level]
• 11,622,232⁢ exp [16.66% of your level]
• 18,595,571⁢ exp [26.65% of your level]

That’s right, b∗rch. MapleL5s has freakin’ EXP gachapon now.

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Taima: the exp rewards are lower than last level!!

cervid: loll

Taima: 16.4⁢mil rather than 16.6⁢mil

cervid: yea the fact that it can decrease in absolute terms with level
is pretty humorous

Taima: quality assure ants

cervid: since its just an npc its actually easy to fix
they wouldnt have to do a server maint or anything
im guessing they just dont wanna admit its borked rofl

Taima: wtf is wrong with you deer, they are hard at work 24/7
making sure we, the players, can have updated versions of
every job in the game
like we wanted and asked for constantly

cervid: ur right u_u

Taima: we voted them in, this is our just deserts

cervid: yum. desert
i should use my coins but i feel weird standing here as a
grown-ass 4^th-grade character
leveling up randomly from npcs

Taima: yup, it’s actually so disgusting im gonna [Queasy]
it literally shouldn’t be in the game

Welp.

Rinse & repeat

But let’s keep going, shall we? I think I’ve still got some more in me.

I did some fun Zax w/ ShadjuhNL (xBowtjuhNL, PriestjuhNL, BuccjuhNL), Harlez, dummithicc/Domzy, & Sweatz!

As designated STR bishop, I fulfil many roles: buffing everyone all the time, Dispelling everyone all the time, Dispelling thee damb Zak body, Healing everyone all the time, Holy Shi∗lding everyone when the time is ripe (or whenever I feel like it), not freaking dying all the time (I’m getting slightly worse at this one over time), raising the undead when my party members do the freaking dying, and, of course, providing comic relief.

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ShadjuhNL: deer

cervid: hi

ShadjuhNL: does your gen hit arms?
or is it like
1⁢ dmg

cervid: its level 0

ShadjuhNL: oo

cervid: but it would miss

Sweatz: LMAO

cervid: like all my magic attacks

Sweatz: dedicated

dummithicc: are you the highest lvl str bish
on the server

cervid: i think so yes haha

Domzy: insanes
very pog

cervid: hehe

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Sweatz: deer

cervid: hola

Sweatz: I noticed your str mage right when we started
then saw the basic attacking arms and lost my shit laughing
its top tier

Later, I did some more BRPQ duoing with Taima. This time, however, I decided to just use cape reäligner to “reälign” the bosses extra super duper fastly.

We found out that Arrow Bomb “MISS”es weapon-cancelled monsters.^[2]

Either that, or I’m even more DEXless than I thought.

In any event (actually, only in the 2025 summer event), it’s time to go back to Gobland for another Goblevel:

Speaking of things that shouldn’t be in the game, Taima logged onto her famous gishlet Tacgnol to demonstrate a fun new feature of the Big Bang skill:

Wow! Thank you, Tacgnol! My eyes are on fire now.

secret tarandus interlude (shhh don’t tell anyone)

welcome back to tara the punch girl who punch monster, like pap

and rāv

good luck to dexzerker (who is a crusader) on rābanana helmet

ok thank you for coming to my ted™ talk

You saw nothing.

Then I immediately ran to Singapore to repeatedly smacc an inexplicably colossal tree alongside coarse hairs Gock & aria1.

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[system message]: cervid — Lv.141 Bishop — Total Damage: 251,319
Damage Per Hour: 15,079,140 — Damage Per Minute: 251,319

A whole quarter of a million DPM on the leffed eye! Not bad for getting knocked around willy-nilly by the ranged attacks. Admittedly, there’s not a whole lot to do in Krecks, so ¼M⁢ DPM + Shoaly Himbal is about all I got for ya…

Lettuce go back to Zack, then, shall’st’ve we?

Doing @dpm tests @ Zaccoom is more problematic. I really should be doing short tests at each stage of the fight, but I tried for a more holistic @dpm 15 anyway, putting me largely at the mercy of Zak’s weapon-cancel whims.

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[system message]: cervid — Lv.142 Bishop — Total Damage: 2,504,806
Damage Per Hour: 10,019,220 — Damage Per Minute: 166,987

How much of that do you think is Mana Reflexion?

All right, pack it up, ppl

Anyway. As the old saying goes, all weird things must come to an end. It’s time to say “gubi” to Goblentown. But before I leave, I’ll be pilfering all their MMFs.

K bye. 🖤

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Taima: lets give it up for deer

cervid: hahah
give what up

Taima: the dumbest mage in the world

GiveMeABreak: *clap clap*

Footnotes for “Summer 2025: Goblen edition…”

1. [↑] I’m told this is what you’re supposed to say when you have no idea what’s going on. Am I a real mathemagician now?
2. [↑] This, by the way, suggests that AB’s bizarrely suī generis damage modifier is actually an aftermod, not a pre-DEF mod as claimed by the formula compilation archived by Ayumilove (& by Nise’s version, for that matter).

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Highway robbery, throwing broken glass at hospital patients, & the great aunt’s descent

That’s cool & all, but how about some crime? Yeah‽ Can I get a “yell heah”??

That’s what I thought. Please give a warm welcome to MapleStory’s RevivalStory’s most widely renownedest crime syndicate: Shpongle (Taima, Kokeshi) the shank warrior, lv1000boss (Lvl1Crook, xXCrookXx) the king thug, & yours truly, cervid the witch — collectively know’d’st as Oddjobs.

Let’s start with some KPQ, shall we?

Perion; or, The boon & bane, the departure & return, of Shpongle

Having taught Slime Gang™ yet another lesson, we found ourselves in possession of sufficient Topaz Ores to put together one (1) whole Topaz. So we sauntered on over to Perion in search of the Maple World–famous Mr. Thunder, the only person who knows what a Topaz is.

Gingerly placing the Topaz in Mr. Thunder’s hand, Shpongle politely asked whether he couldn’t perhaps turn her Metal Gear into a Yellow Metal Gear. Ceremoniously bowing her head, Shpongle’s steel headband was pluct from her skull by Mr. Thunder’s fingers. Holding the Topaz in his other hand, he made an evidently incredibly strong fist, instantly melting the Topaz outright into a goopy yellow mess. He then proceeded to wipe the golden silicate goo all over the Metal Gear with his bare hand.

Now that’s what I call an upgrade.

Since we were in Perion anyway, we decided to visit LAN Dove While Bored to farm shards of glass, as one does (where else would glass come from?).

Unfortunately, RS’s version (presumably GMS v12’s version) of Lanned of Wiled Bore doesn’t have the little sacrificial altar thingies that you can place Wild Boar Teefies (I think?) on to slay all the Jr. Boogies on the map.

As a result, we were getting positively harrassled by the damnable horned spheres.

Unfortunately, with no way to dispel weakness, Shpongle was stuck fast in an interminable downward spiral of ever-renewed weaknesses. Since she had no choice but to delete her character, lv1000boss & I decided to simply move on — there’s no use in crying over spilt Shpongle.

Still silently mourning the loss of our only shiv expert, we marcht tearfully towards the Jr. Boogerless Land of Wild Boar II (the ol’ LOWBII, as they used to call it) to farm up the rest of our glass.

As you can see, I couldn’t help but let out a h∗ckin’ curse as I witnessed one of the wooden headstones give way to a reborn Shpongle crawling out from her rocky grave. I could scarcely believe it! After offering her some freshly-baked (in the blistering Perion sun) garlic bread to make sure she wasn’t a vampire now or something, the whole crew was back & ready to complete the shard collection.

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Shpongle: well
lets go throw broken glass at Jane Doe

lv1000boss: well well
i love throwing broken glass at hospital patients

cervid: i hope she’ll make me famous for throwing broken glass at her
i still live in infamy

[system message]: ‘Shpongle’ have dropped ‘cervid’’s level of fame.

cervid: OPMG
crying
sob

[system message]: ‘lv1000boss’ have dropped ‘cervid’’s level of fame.

Shpongle: reinforced infamy

cervid: fml

“a call from jane”

It’s a well-known fact that they’re called “hospital patience” because they’ll patiently endure any amount of broken glass or other physical abuses, so long as you’re wearing a white coat & a stethoscope. So let’s head on over to 니오라 Hospital.

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cervid: mantol!

Shpongle: THANKEE

Jane Doe: Something’s not right … hey you … you know of anything?

Now that we stole all of Jane’s clothing and cobbled together a couple o’ raggedy capes with it, we were now 10% more avoidable. Great.

Speaking of Jane, we know another person by that name, over in Lint Harbour. Upon giving her all our Whiled Bort Eath & Hushroomb Caps, we were rewarded with 60% scrolls that don’t work. Like this one, for one-handed books for WAtk:

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lv1000boss: if u fail u are cringe

[system message]: The scroll lights up, but the item winds up as if nothing happened

lv1000boss: oof
deer u are demoted to cringe

cervid: naurrr

Thousands of genetically identical snails

On our exit from lɪθ ˈhɑːbə, we decided to take our scrolling frustrations out on Man O. (not to be confused with man o’ war):

We also stopt by the Henesys Wepping Store to become +3% fashionable and +3% fastiable.

Drug trafficking, stand-&-delivery, & a brush with death

Over in Speepywood, we stumbled across a strange man who was collecting herbs.

Regrettably, as they say, the herbs are always in the last place you look. But where would that be? We thought we had a pretty good idea of the last place anyone would ever look for herbs, so we zipt our pips over to the disreputable jungle of Ellinia.

’Twas here where we found our first extortion victim travelling sucker new acquaintance: russs. All we wanted from him was a modest protection fee, in exchange for which he would be able to keep his kneecaps intact.

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cervid: hi russ

lv1000boss: good evening sir

russs: wassup

cervid: this is a robbery

lv1000boss: give us all ur mesor

Well, that was… more successful than I expected, I won’t lie. Uhrmm…

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Shpongle: it’s 50k

lv1000boss: we can take deer on vacation [to Zipangu] with this money

cervid: omfg

lv1000boss: wtf
rich
thats too many mesos

cervid: did u whisp

lv1000boss: no i didnt

cervid [whispering to russs]: want the mesos back? (':

cervid [allchat]: ok
i whisp

lv1000boss: whats his ign
ok

russs [whisper]: nah

lv1000boss: gj deer

cervid [whispering to russs]: awe

lv1000boss: you are promoted from cringe to cringe jr.

cervid: ty tho bahah

Shpongle: congrats

Well okay then! I guess the mesos will come in useful when we have to bribe the security detail who is, naturally, carefully guarding the one place where definitely noöne would go looking for herbs with therapeutic properties.

Welcome to the Forest of Patients.

There might not be any patients, but there are plenty of monke percht upon worryingly smol platforms.

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lv1000boss: i hope this quest gives us some money
otherwise its squishy liquid soup for dinner tonight

Admittedly, I fell down a few times; but we’re not gonna talk about it. My bones are plenty strong — that’s why they’re purple & glow in the dark — so I can handle it. 🦴

The point is that, eventually, I made it.

With that, it was time to share the goods with the mad herb man in Sleep He Would. There’s no path from Ellinia to Sleep P. Wood,^[1] so we took a quick detour through Henesys.

However, on our way to the Dungeon, we had our worst encounter with The Blushroomb Of Doomb™ yet.

We almost fOcking dyed!! What the fr∗ck!?!

At least Sabitrama was having a better day than we were.

Thx, Sabby (we’re buddies now, so that’s what I call him). If my bone density ever unexpectedly increases, you’ll be the first one to know.

Aunt Hill

Since we were in Sweepywood anyway, we decided to make another descent down the Aunt Tunnel.

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Shpongle: did matt forget to tie his shoes again

cervid: smh

lv1000boss: i had to plug in my controller

cervid: so basically yes

Roving between An Tunnel Free & An Tunnel Fore, we took on the Hushroomb & Zushroomb 999 kwests once more.

Along the way, I acquired new fashion (& new MDef)!

With the newfound power of Gold Ring, I squoze out another level:

And, with the power of Slash Blast, Shpongle squoze out our first-ever “pink line” (RS doesn’t have yellow ones):

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Shpongle: o wao a present drop

[serverwide announcement]: [Shpongle] got Maple Throwing-Stars via Maple Admin using Red Presents! Congrats!

Unfortunately for Shpongle, Maple Throwing-Stars do not replenish your MP.

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Shpongle: i’m out of MP pots :(

cervid: i have some

Shpongle: ur a mage
you need them more than me
warriors need health

cervid: ohhh
wait so
warriors dont use blue juice?

Shpongle: nope
its illegal
in the Perion tribe

cervid: right

Shpongle: they only use peyote

cervid: carry on then

Shpongle: im gonna break the rules though
give me the blue stuff

cervid: :O
blew

Shpongle: 100 of them

cervid: hf doing crimes

Shpongle: my pockets cant hold this many

A tunnel too far

Anywho, once we were done being gay & doing crime in ATIII〜IV, we decided to cap the crap & clap our flaps to another map. It’s time to go down, down, down to where the steam is hot & the wise tread not: Ant Tunnel Park.

Once we had our Zalad™^® fix, we got a littol curious. How much would you be willing to bet on the existence of a Zombified Mushmother?

The Grave of Mushmom itself is very thoughtfully constructed: it’s in the shape of a giant mushroomb. This poses the question: who did the constructing? Do you think the fine folks of Henesys came all the way d—

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lv1000boss: giys

Shpongle: !

lv1000boss: RUNS
RUNNN

cervid: omfg

Wowzers that was a close one. Never underestimate a mother, reänimated or otherwise.

E. Vill I.

Let’s take on something a little more our speed. Like the Cave of E. Vill I., mayhap?

Unfortunately for Shpongle, her lengthy progression from Land of Wild Boar to CoEVII — from life to death, & back again — was no escape from the Wrath of the Booger™.

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Shpongle: boogie…

cervid: oop
wrath of the booger

Shpongle: sorry i thought i was more T-rex armed than i really am

cervid: :P
slash blast moment

lv1000boss, too, learnt the hard way that the Wrath of the Booger™ sees all. 👁️

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lv1000boss: how did it aggro me when i have dark sight on

cervid: boogervision

And I’m not sure whether it has anything to do with Boogervision™, but the Cave of E. Vill I. II is a bit… lopsided?

I already had some experience grinding in this map, so I didn’t mind too much, but Shpongle & lv1000boss pretty swiftly decided that they didn’t like the awkward optics. Back to square (of E. Vill I.) one.

Speaking of square one, Shpongle succumbed to the dastardly slings & arrows of the Boogers Junior once again…

Transcription of the chatbubbles in the above image

cervid: SCHPONGO?

Shpongle: time for the Big Walk

Whilst Shpongle’s legs were occupied with the Big Walk™, lv1000boss & I took a moment to chillax.

Eventually the Big Walk™ was conquered once again, & thereupon we recommenced Evil Eyebliteration.

In fact, we were getting so good at it now, that we managed to complete the 999-kill quest within the same sesh! Wowie~!

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Shpongle: oh wth we actually finished 999

The Rememberer: I can tell you’re noble enough to do this without expecting anything return, but this is just my way of saying thank you for helping us out. Please take it.

Reward:
30⁢ Mana Elixirs
+2000⁢ EXP

All in a day’s work. Quease u l8r, bb.

Transcription of the chatlog in the above image

Shpongle: GANG

cervid: VOM GANG

lv1000boss: vomjobs

Vomjobs out! 💜

Footnotes for “Highway robbery, throwing broken glass at hospital patients, & the great aunt’s descent”

1. [↑] Top of the Tree That Grew wouldn’t be added until GMS v71 (2009-06-17), although its addition was never announced — v71 was advertised as a bugfix patch. It was present in the v70 (2009-05-07) data but was inaccessible in-game.

Irony(III) | ORaNGe³⁺

And now! Introjuicing! The rusty doe, la biche rouillée, the ferrickest deer of far or near, the laňka rusá! She’s got only one colour, & it’s mfing orange!! …unicolor!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—

All right, all right. Shhhh. Calm down. I require unbroken concentration, because sheer LUK ain’t gonna carry me through the Deap 4issed of Patients ⟨Steppe Tree⟩.

Of course, I’m a seasoned professional. A couple of bags ain’t got sh∗rt on me. (I only fell like twice or thrice…) So let’s move on to ⟨Step 4⟩.

This step is indeed more astral, but I’m not gonna let that—

Okay, no. I didn’t die. In facked, I made it all the way to the end! Gimme my pile of blew flours!!

Since I’m here in Sweepywould anywhey, I may as well visit the V.I.P. Sauna to have a private chat with the real Mr. Wetbutt.

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Mr. Wetbottom: Welcome to the VIP sauna of the Sleepywood Hotel. Actually I need some help here …

Quest available

• Mr. Wetbottom’s Secret Book

Anne Tonne L. 3⁤½

Also here in Þe Dongeoun, I really oughta finish the 999-kill cwests for Hushroombs & Zushroombs. Unlike my STR cleric cervid (see above: “Aunt Hill”), I’m fully ironical, so I don’t have two other party memers members to help me rack up the kill-credits trebly swiftly. That means we’re gonna be here for a hot sec.

Here in the ol’ AT, I got me enough presents for another Mapleversary raffo.

Transcription of the above

Maple Administrator: Booom! Ta-da~!!

Yellow Work Gloves ×1

I hope you like what you see! Thank you so much for helping us celebrate MapleStory’s birthday~!!

Unfortunately, INT means nothing to me. Books are for nerds. Nonetheless, I do like getting equips. They’re so rare that I feel I must needs document every equip drop I get from now on. Like this one:

And, speaking of equipment, I wanna do a makeover now. Why? Largely because I can. As 🆒 & as O.G. as the Sky Shark set may be, it just doesn’t fit unicolor’s vibe, you know? It’s not on the same wavelength. So it looks like it’s time to lay waste to my chrysalis and…

🤠 + 🦋 = unicolor. That’s just a law of nature. Don’t like it? Hard cheese! Tough cookies! Too bad, so sad!

Ahem. Sorry. The fashion police can contact me in the usual places.

Anywho, armed with my new ’fit, I finisht those 999s!

🧿👄🧿

Sure, The Rememberer might be a bit of a scaredy-cat, but he also has an insatiable lust for Sleepywood blood. I’ve plenty more ⟨9⟩s to kill, so it’s time to get on that 999 E. Vill I.’s one.

Oh, & the EXP ain’t bad.

Of course, the main problem here is the Boogers Junior. I won’t really be able to hit them consistently enough until I’m at least their level (i.e. 35). So until then, I have to actively avoid inadvertently Slash Blasting them, which is more easily said than done. If I’m on a platform/level that has a joocy group of Evil Eyes but also has a Booger, I keep going to & fro, back & forth & back again, to the point that “Yakety Sax” starts playing and I have to mute my client. 😒

In any case, whilst I was here in CoEEII, I witnest a very intriguing pink line indeed…

A Scythe! That means the grim reaper job is playable on RS! Take that, MapleL5s!!

Regrettably, the equips that Evilize drop aren’t nearly as cool as all that:

I certainly wasn’t able to do it all in one sesh, but I did eventually get yet another new 999.

I’m surɘ it’ll pass. It uSually does.

Usually………………………

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Dew drops & snaky bops

Oh, geez. Sorry about that. That’s not supposed t— Uhrm. Where was I, again?

Right. I jus finisht 999 Evil 🧿s, so. Basically I can do Necki Skins now. Lassed time, I only managed the first 50. I’m much stronmker now (I hope), so I think I can manage the other 100.

For some reason, Damp 4S’d feels different here than in MapleL5s. Even with my epic 2^nd-grade warrior skillz (read: Slash Blassed with a level 25 weapon), the skins are not plentiful. And the equips only sell for 1⁢ meso…?

Wot da hec?

I’ll be honest: I’m abusing @re now. Even with the ability to @respawn myself all William Nilliam, pêlée-mêlée, heltre-sceltre, this weigh & that whey — you get the idea — I was not very good at farming this map. Nonetheless, I eventually got those precious snaky bois & their precious snaky skins (the snakeys are now nakey!).

[hissing as the sunlight hits my skin]

I thought it wasn’t very likely, so I didn’t get my hopes up, but…

He gave me a whole fr∗ggin’ Diamond!! That’s a huge relief, because a Dyerminned was the only real barrier that was gonna prevent me from completing Mr. Wetbum’s questline for a good ol’ Sauna Roab. 😌

And, since I’m finally exiting The Dungeon™, it’s time to give John those flowers, too.

Transcription of the item in the above image

Dark Briggon

• Req lev : 35
• Req STR : 125
• [Req archetype] : warrior
• Category : glove
• STR : +2
• Weapon def. : 15
• Number of upgrades available : 5

125⁢ STR?? I won’t have that much STR until level 48…

All right. Time to get to level 48, then. One “Cutthroat Manny’s Request” at a time…

Transcription of the above

Nella: I knew it … I knew you could get it done with, quickly! You did your job well last time, and here you are again, taking care of business!! Alright, since you have done it so well, I should reward you well. Cutthroat Manny is giving you a pair of shoes in hopes of helping you out on your future traveling.

Reward:
+2200⁢ EXP
+Emerald Battle Grieves

Maybe Nella seems overly enthusiastic about my performance, but you have to understand that this is the very end of all her questlines. I did awl of ’em. Yes, even the one where you have to volunteer as a barkeeper for the local Jazz Fusion Bar. I’m basically an expert mixologist now.

Anyway, there’s actually another 999-kill quest that I’d like to get done. The Grushroomb one, of course! To Ellinia~!

Tree dungeon: F.U.N.!

After getting positively punisht by all manner of high-level (for me…) Speepywud monsterinoes, TDFUNVI is a veritably relacksing affair.

Bhuh? Whot? Oh sh∗rt, I level’d up. Level 2⁵, bb!!

Wow. It’s just too bad I’m not getting this many drops from some other map, ’cause then I’d be rollin’ in the doe.

Hokay. Well. That’s Grush ×999. @rememberer “I can see 999999999999999999999999999 G. Mushroom floating behind you”, &c., &c. — you know the jrill.

A Big Curse Dungeon Eyes Forest

Butt weight! There’s more. What if I took on the most toughest “Wanted” monsters yet‽ Would that be cool‽ Would you think I were cool if I did that‽ 🥺

Okay, let’s head to TDFUNIX — as I am, naturally, predisposed to do.

Now, the Gurz I’s Curse Eyes are tuff, as expected. In fact, these green baslers are three levels above me, & they hurt like L. But their KB is only 1, so a lot of the time, I can keep ’em at bay with some careful positioning & attacking.

Well, heq — 99 down, 999 to go! Let’s take a look at my reward…

Transcription of the item in the above image

Scroll for Two-handed Axe for ATT

Add option for attack on two-handed axe.
Success rate:60%, weapon attack+2, STR+1

O 🐳.

Banana famine

I could immediately continue on to the 999 Kersigh cwessed, but that would require another detour into the Deep Forests of The Dungeon™ to get permission from the relevant sinebored. On the other hand, since all I now need to complete Ronnie’s errands is a batch of fifty bernarners, I may as well “just” do that, right?

Of course, there’s a catch: the Loopings jealously guard the entire banana supply of Vicky Island, both monopolising and monopsonising the plantain industry at larj. The only way to acquire fifty ’nanners, then, is to beat up some monkeys until I can command-deer their rump-mounted infinite banana generators. It sounds weird when I say it like that, but just trussed me.

I can still barely hit the simians, but maybe with Sniper Potions & a couple of gear swaps to squeeze out an extra WAcc or two, I can whittle them down. I only need to kill like 💯 of ’em, right?

However, maps that are “good for farming” Lupins don’t real. The bessed I can hope for is a map where the other species aren’t too difficult to kill, since I just need to get rid of the extras. But I know just the spot:

Wait… wot? Where are the banana enthusiasts?? I thought Downstairs at the Forest was supposed to be mostly Lewpinz!!

GMS v49 strikes again! This map originally had just three Lupin spawns (≈ 7.7% of the map’s population), & v49 increased this ninefold(!) to 27 spawns (= 75%).

Okay, well… there’s the Monke Swamp, right? I mean, there’s Monke Forest too, but I’m quite sure I remember that as being mostly Zlupins, which I’m not even close to being able to handle. With Monke Swamp, there’s at least a chance that the earlier Monke Swamps (read: Monkey Swamp I) will suffice for my purposes.

Uh-oh! “Monkey Swamp I” is actually just Zlupin Swamp I! As it turns out, GMS v12 (upon which RS is based) was nearly the last — or possibly even the last — GMS version to have a Monkey Swamp with this population. Already by v22 at the absolute latest (almost certainly earlier), Monkey Swamp I has a population of ≈90.3% Lupins, with the rest being Jr. Neckis. I guess Wizet realised pretty quickly that they gooft up by making all the Monkey Swamp maps the same. And here I was, thinking that getting a refined Diamond would be the hard part…

Of course, as is my wont, I’d continue kvesting anyway. 999 Curse Eyes seems doäble, & mayhaps I can just chill out Downstairs @ the 4S’d until I eventually accumulate a now apparently colossal fifty ’nanners.

For now, tho’, that’s all I got for ya. I know it’s an awkward place to end, but I really am running out of grey matter. So this is unicolor, signing off. 🫡 May you have a “yee haw!” day, my deer reader pardner. 🧡

Footnotes for “Irony(III) | ORaNGe³⁺”

1. [↑] More seriously, I was surprised to find that, once again (as in the case of the Green Hunter), nothing drops this equipment item in MapleL5s. Consulting BBB seems to confirm MapleL5s’s choice, by listing the only dropper as Dejected Green Mushroom — a species not added to GMS until v80 (2009-12-10). However, I was quite sure I remembered ordinary Grushroombs dropping the Mace (I killed a lot of Grushies as a kid pls don’t make fun of me), & Old School Library agrees with my intuition. So what gives?

   Even the earliest (first half of 2005) archived versions of Hidden Street list the Mace as being dropped by Green Mushroom. This remains true until at least as late as 2009-05-05 (at which point v69 was current). The next earliest version after that is an archived version of BBB from 2010-12-13, which agrees with the live version (as of this writing). Moreover, it seems quite unlikely that the very first one-handed blunt weapon in the game (as evidenced by the IID of 1322000) never dropped from anything until v80 — a really quite late pre-BB version.

   The most likely story is that the addition of the (horrible, if you ask me LOL) alternate monster species like the Dejected Green Mushroom meant copying over some of the droptable entries from their respective original species. For whatever reason, some of the original droptable entries were perhaps removed (i.e. cut-&-paste rather than copy-&-paste). Or maybe Hidden Street just borked it when v80 was releast. Either way, MapleL5s’s droptable is therefore the incorrect one, inasmuch as it’s based on v80+ (but missing the relevant features) instead of v62.

The rectangle of life

That’s rite, my treasured reader. If I can’t escape Trell, then neither can you.

Welcome back to the 73^rd floor, with your hosts: Kokeshi (the gishy one), & yours truly, pudu (the stabby one).

Day 38: Eloonacy

The good news is that we still have the pleasure of being surprised by some of the drops.

The Eloon has always intrigued me, even as a child. It’s present in all versions of MapleStory — even pre-release versions — & yet it harbours mysteries that persist through the present day:

• What even is it? Like, pixel-wise? I get that it’s a one-handed sword, but never in my life have I seen a sword blade (or really, any blade) that widens as it goes on, & then just… stops. At its widest point. Like it’s a golden triangle that you can wave around at your enemies. Is it a spatula??
• Where are the rest of the warrior–thief nondagger weapons? We have a whole series of them for the daggers, & the Eloon clearly follows the same pattern: it’s equippable only by warriors & thieves, it requires both STR & DEX, & it requires more of the latter. In fact, it exists at the third rung in a level ⟨15, 20, 25⟩ series of nondagger weapons in this pattern: ⟨Square Shovel, {Machete, Pointed Shovel}, Eloon⟩. Note that the Pickaxe (level 20 2H BW) almost fits this pattern, excepting only that it has no DEX requirement.
• Where does the name Eloon come from‽

As to this last question, the obvious answer is that the name is Finnish: eloon /⁠ˈe.loːn⁠/ is the illative of elo “life, vitality”, therefore meaning something like “into life, into being alive”.

However, the KMS (& therefore original) name is 일룬 ⟨Illun⟩ /⁠iɭ.ɭun⁠/, which cannot reasonably be an adaptation of Finnish eloon (that would be 엘론 or similar). At this point, I’m basically stumpt. It could be a fanciful name. It could even be a compound word formed in Korean as 일 “work, occurrence, deed; one (1); day” + 눈 “eye; snow; bud, sprout” ≟ 일룬 (note the loss of a ⟨ㄴ⟩ through assimilation).^[1]

I guess we’ll never know.

Anywho, speaking of unsolved mysteries, we’ll never know what caused the spontaneous generation of a wild Timer Taima on our very own 73^rd floor:

Transcription of the chatbubbles in the above image

Taima: Legolcok

pudu: A TIMER

Could it be that the strange glowing coins that have inexplicably begun to drop from the Spidres attract hungry Timers? Nature is full of ænigmata.

Day 43: I see the spiders when I close my eyes

Transcription of the above

Kokeshi: ax

pudu: oh huge moneys

Kokeshi: a Misthil Axe!

pudu: hahah

Kokeshi: made of the mythic and original Misthril material
Misthil*
i almost couldnt stop myself from typing Mithril

pudu: coined by J. L. L. Tokeing

Kokeshi: Joint Large Loud “Toke King” Tokeing

Hey. Psst. U. Yez, u. Guess wot.

Transcription of the chatlog in the above image

pudu: guess wot

Kokeshi: O.O

[system message]: ⟨Party⟩ pudu has reached Lv.28.

And there you have it. As you can see, we have a lot to talk about here in Trell. Like the social metabolism of the people of Lūdibrium:

Transcription of the above

Kokeshi: they make the toys
we beat up the toys
we sell them back the toy drops
they make more toys

pudu: its the circle of life

Kokeshi: the rectangle of life

Day 49: The œconomics of Play-Doh^® as a self-prescribed drug for oral or intravenous administration

We also do a littol drug-dealing, amongst friends.

Transcription of the chat in the above image

Kokeshi: VVarrior Pillz?

pudu: yez
im hookt on em

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pudu: tysm

For better or worse, however, our li’l two-minifig drug trafficking operation ain’t quite self-sufficient. Sometimes we gotta hit up a bigger supplier. So do we hit up the notorious G.U.M.B.A.L.L. Machine (the patented Giver of Unctions, Medications, Balsams, Aromatics, Lotions, & Liquors^®), or do we hit up our main girl Misky?

As it happened, the daily issue of Ācta Lūdibriī — delivered to our address at the 73^rd floor by a Helly each morn — contained an announcement that the G.U.M.B.A.L.L. Machine had broken down, & would be closed for repairs until further notice. Reading the paper is my favourite time of the day, but this was no good news at all! Thankfully, we were sure Misky would still have our backs.

Day 51: We’re almost at the top; I can feel the air thinning out

As we past through the 98^th floor, we past by a Roly-Poly who had witnessed untold horrors, & stood before us paralysed, lost in thought:

Transcription of the chatlog in the above image

pudu: :eyes:

Kokeshi: LMFAO
seen some shit

Day 52: A night on the town

At the bridge betwixt the village of Lūdi & the 100^th floor, I met a certain Tigun, drest in some 17^th-century European royal court–level drip.

Transcription of the above

Tigun the Advisor: Well,, the Eos Tower… is… full of spiders, right? What? Am I afraid of the spiders? Nonsense!! I am NOT afraid of the spiders. I am… just … uncomfortable to be around them. If you can eliminate 20⁢ Trixters and 20⁢ Green Trixters at Eos Tower, then I will not have trouble completing the King’s orders.

Since we were in town anyway, we decided to try out the local chares — now that we were minifigs ourselves.

Transcription of the chatlog in the above image

Kokeshi: very bad for ur spinal curvature
they are made for the native population

Okay, well, I guess the whole “minifig” thing is more of a… citizenship title, or status. This did not, however, stop the claw machine in the Lūdi armoury from trying to pick me up like I was a stuft animal in a crane game:

In any case, once we were all potted up & watered, we raced back down the Ēṓs — being careful not to downjump, of course, so as to respect the Ēṓs.

Day 55: Ohm, sweet ohm

After more hours of Trell, I yoinkt another levol!

And, speaking of yoinmking things from the Tricksters, I found out that they drop Soobease… & I got another glub (for artshers 🤮).

Transcription of the chat in the above image

pudu: glov.

Kokeshi: glovely

Day 60: I’m not stir-crazy. You’re stir-crazy. I don’t even like stirring.

Per usual, we bantered on about the finer things in The Trell Experience™.

Transcription of the above two images

Kokeshi: stationary gronding

pudu: stationery grinding..

Kokeshi: stationery grinding: it’s fun on paper

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pudu: Al bat = aluminium bat
K fan = potassium fan

Soon enough, Kokeshi hit level 28, which meant she could use the Misthil Mithril Wand that she bought during our last excursion to the town!

Transcription of the chatlog in the above image

pudu: so stronk (':

Kokeshi: 7⁢ dmg on warrior pill, pog

pudu: 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 62: Learning about medicine instead of just eating whatever pills I find lying around

Kokeshi had previously studied under Misky, so she knew a little about medicine. Since my only training has been in the art of stabbing the bad guys (read: the plastic spiders), she generously decided to pass on some of her pharmaceutic wisdom to me:

Transcription of the chatlog in the above image

Kokeshi: dont take all 3 of these at once
it causes cadillac arrest

According to Kokeshi, the Sniper Pills’ spikes are purely cosmetic — as the well-known pharmacologist’s formula goes, spikes = 🆒. However, the same pills have an enteric coating, & the active ingredient has negligible absorption parenterally anyway — so you can’t grind ’em up & then shoot up (or snort) the powder. A Sniper Pill is, therefore, something of a “tough pill to swallow”; but it’s worth it. True to its name, this high-tech pill turns you into a sniper and, as everyone knows, snipers get Thrust, so it makes you run faster! Very kewl.

Anywho, speaking of fancy chemicals, Kokeshi found an MFing Potassium Fan?!?

Transcription of the above image

pudu: what are the stats 🥺

Kokeshi: 52⁢ att⁣ 6⁢ acc⁣ 5⁢ avoid

pudu: oh shetttt

Well gee whiz, I’d better get to level 35 real quicc!

Day 66: The walls aren’t moving — I’m moving. Moving up in the world!

Transcription of the chatlog in the above image

pudu: gwess wot

Kokeshi: O_O

[system message]: ⟨Party⟩ pudu has reached Lv.30.

Oh sheesh oh geez oh gosh I’m level 30 now!!! You know what that means: I can finally upgrade my daggor! And fr∗ggen advance to banned it!! And bessed of all, I can finally 🦇…

Transcription of the chatlog in the above image

pudu: finally i can bat.

Kokeshi: 🦇

As if to taunt me, the Trick’s Toes decided to drop a second bat…

Transcription of the chat in the above image

pudu: SECOND BAT

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pudu: fml theyre both 45⁢watk lmfao

…That was also 3⁢ WAtk below average (= 8⁢ WAtk below perfect). 🫠

Day 68: Nudity crawls one step closer to its inevitable defeat

Pretty soon, however, our LUK turned right around.

Transcription of the chatbubbles in the above image

Kokeshi: OMG

pudu: omfggggggggggggggggggggggg

A Red Starry Bandanna! But for reel this time!! Lassed time we got a ’danna, it was sadly prior to our locking into Loodilocc, so we had to say “gubi” to it. This thyme, on the other hand, it marks our first-ever use of an equipment item that dropped from a monster!!

It might not seem like a big deal, but… well, you can see from the above image that we’re both otherwise nakey (I have NX gear equipped for decency purposes), if not for this funni littol red-starred piece of cloth.

Anyway. Although I might be level 30, Kokeshi isn’t quite there yet, so I won’t be doing the whole grade-advancement song & dance until we can both sing it together. Until then, I wish you a model day, a Funny Time, & a plushy repose! 🩷

Footnotes for “The rectangle of life”

1. [↑] For the curious, here’s how other localisations handle the name of this item. TMS & CMS make no attempt to translate nor transliterate, instead going for 太(tài)陽(yáng)劍(jiàn) “sun sword” (CMS using the simplified characters, of course). JMS makes a reasonable attempt at transliteration with イールン ⟨îrun⟩. ThMS, MapleSEA, & EMS all agree with GMS that this weapon is called an Eloon.

   Editor’s note: It now occurs to me that the TMS/CMS name might’ve been influenced by the possibility of reading 일룬 = 일 + 눈 as mentioned above, but with the specific reading “day” + “eye” as a kind of kenning meaning “the Sun”. Then again, maybe that’s kind of a kooky hypothesis…

---

(…cnvpstdf…)

cnvpstdf

Transcription of the above

[system message]: ‘shirt21e’ has joined the guild.

shirt21e: hi :3

cervid: heyy welcome!

shirt21e: heyo

cervid: ooo whats your job?

shirt21e: i throw stars and do big number but don’t hit as often

cervid: as often?

shirt21e: idk, i’m dexless?… does that count :3

cervid: im confused
youre an assassin, which is normally low dex or dexless?

shirt21e: oh, so not odd

cervid: how did you find out about the guild?

shirt21e: heard its friendly to lgbtq+ folk like myself

cervid: HAHA
thats true

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Transcription of the text in the above image

That was not quite right.

Next time, make sure the vegetables on the left match those in the basket on the right.

Try again

↺
Restart

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Credits

“Yakety Sax” (1963) is due to James Q. Rich & Boots Randolph, & performed by the latter.

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Scrapped material (apocrypha only)

### New, very silly idea: Grindin’ Jamz™

MapleStory heavily features grinding of various varieties & flavours. This implies repetition. The basic way I handle this within my diary is by covering highlights, milestones, inane details, jokes, & the gameplaystuffs that aren’t grinding.

Latching onto the “inane details” aspect, this diary entry will be the first — & not improbably, the last — to feature an experiment (always experimenting!): what if I talked a littol bit about the music that I listened to whilst grinding?

Important things to bear in mind for this Grindin’ Jamz™ series:

• Let me know your opinion!
  • If you don’t like it, don’t worry. I probably won’t do it again, & the Grindin’ Jamz™ sections will always be clearly demarcated, so that they’re easily skipt over.
• The jamz are those I actually was listening to whilst doing the grinding in question.
• Because of the previous point, the jamz will tend to be on the easier-listening side of things. This, in turn, skews the genre distribution significantly. When I want or need to give something a more serious listen — as often happens — I exclusively listen to the music, & do not multitask.
• Similarly, any analytical or “review” aspects of Grindin’ Jamz™ will be toned down, & aren’t as serious as my other writings on music. These are just casual reflexions.
• Because the writing itself has the necessary information, I don’t always feel the need to give a verdict, recommendation, &c..
  • I categorically reject all forms of rating, especially numeric ones. Any verdicts/recommendations will therefore not include ratings.

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